What's Going On...

Bad Blogger! Oops, my bad!

Hey guys! Sorry about my erratic posting behavior. I haven't really figured out my new schedule. There are lots of reasons behind my current state of affairs and since I do like to keep Potspoon! more science related, if you wish to know what is going on, please read my current ramblings at Roogoodoo. To better understand what that post is all about, click on the tab above marked Bipolar Disorder. As many of you know, mental health is not something I take for granted and I hope my ramblings and sporadic posts about it help people... or in the very least, let them know they are not alone!

Keep learning!

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Early Diagnosis of Mental Disorder Closer Than We Think

A certain John Csernansky, M.D., has found that mapping certain areas of the brain and determining where the peaks and dips are located can aid in the early determination of certain mental disorders. This is very important because, like other diseases, it is in the earliest phases that they are most treatable. However, due to the nature of the disorders, they are sometimes hard to properly diagnose and treat until much later on in life. Treatment usually comes when a person is no longer functioning properly and the disorder disrupts his or her everyday life.

Unlike diabetes, for example, you cannot just do blood work and determine things. Psychiatrists only have what the patient gives as symptoms to determine things. It would be like determining lymphatic cancer by you describing a sore neck. Needless to say, this is a substantial finding for the many of us who suffer from mental illness and know what they entail.

According to the article at ScienceDaily:

Current treatments are evaluated on whether the patients' symptoms improve over several months. Csernansky, however, wants to take a longer and broader view.

"What we want to know is whether a few years later are you more able to work, are you better able to return to school?" he said. "If you take these medicines for years at a time, is your life better than if you had not taken them? We want to understand the effects of the medicines we give on the biological progression of the disease. We think that's what ultimately determines how well someone does."

Psychotic and mood disorders are life-long illnesses and require management throughout a person's life.

The implications that this could possibly allow people to get an early diagnosis and live out successful lives with complete functionality is very important to me. You can read more here.


Photo of brain from National Institutes of Health and is in Public Domain.

On a lighter note, don't forget to vote in my poll. I need all the help I can get.

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More on Synesthesia

If you don't recall, a while ago I did a post on people who see color for words, smell days of the week, etc. This "condition" (another word I hate because it doesn't seem that serious to me) is called synesthesia and it appears that scientists are closer to figuring out what exactly causes it. It is known to run in families but the genetics behind it aren't understood.

Recently, scientists think they have found the genes linked to this. Why am I posting such a little blurb?

I suppose this goes back to earlier posts I have done about genetics. Mostly they were about tampering with bacteria and making beer good for you. One post was a Debate! about designer babies.

Fig 1. There is nothing wrong with having different genes than everything around you. You just stand out a bit more.

I have a hard time with certain genetic ventures. I am not a big fan of certain types of bioengineering. Some of the stuff is ok. I can deal with more nutritious rice. Designer babies and finding a "cure" for something that isn't really debilitating (like synesthesia) bothers me. I say this because as someone who is dubbed as having a "disorder," I honestly used to have days where I had dreams of nothing more than never having another mood swing again.

I have longed for the days when there would be a magic pill to fix me so that I could finish school— without kidney or liver problems. However, the more soul-searching I do, the more I realize that without my condition/disorder/whatever I would not be the nutty, artistic, music playing, science geek that I am today. Yes, at times I consider my disorder debilitating and in those instances I turn to drugs (prescribed of course)— but do I want it to go away? Would I have the same sense of adventure? Same need to explore? Same insatiable curiosity? Same passion? Probably not! Would I feel guilty about passing on this genetic trait to a child? ABSOLUTELY, but that is my call to make, not anyone else's.

Fig 2. Rawr! I needed to vent

I didn't mean to turn this into a rant, but sometimes I think that while the science is good, the wording and reasoning why is flawed. I know that studying the genetics behind this will give us better insight to how we function as the amazing machine we are and this will lead to insight on other things that may not have otherwise even been discovered... I just don't want to alter my genes to fit in.

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Snake Charmer

See the girl to the right of the guy with the green holding the head of a gigantic snake? That's me.

I'm sure you all have figured that out, but I was like a kid in a candy store. The girl next to me hated snakes. I was not even listening to the guy and was sad I had to give it up at the end... even though it weighed a LOT and wouldn't keep still.

Why the little details about my trip to the Miami Metro Zoo? Well, it made me realize that I still really want to have my dream job or something close to it. I want to make wildlife films. I want to teach people about animals. I want to run around in the jungle/dessert/mountains/etc. chasing animals down. If nothing else, I would be happy with the guy in the green's job. Will this happen anytime soon? Probably not. I am not yet a biologist.

You need that fancy piece of paper. Sure I am really good at the science jabber, I have forgotten more about science than most people know, and I have this really bizarre ability to write a kick butt scientific paper, but that does not make me a scientist yet.

I suppose this goes back to my Debate! about standardized education. Maybe it goes deeper to the fact that I am completely unfocused at times. All I know is, this is me. Should be me. Will be me. Maybe I sound arrogant, but the truth of it is I am not. I always doubt myself. I know I get this stuff, so why can't I just finish? Is it important that I do?

I still get to teach people about animals and do educational tours, so why the need to do it at someplace bigger? I love my job. It may not be the grand scale that I hoped for as a little girl, but my dream still came true. Now I just have to finish school. Who knows? Maybe I have a special calling as a snake charmer! Honestly though, it just takes me writing it out like this to put it into perspective.

I may not be working at the American Museum of Natural History, but I still do have my dream job! I get to teach and play with animals. What more could I ask for?

Well, I guess I could finish Western Adventure part 3... or my butterfly video... but in the end, this isn't bad at all. I bet that guy would be happier with my job! Who wouldn't want to play in a big beautiful tropical garden filled with butterflies and get to live in paradise at the same time?

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Overcoming My Mind

We all have our ups and downs. It is an inevitable part of being human (or any animal really, I KNOW Floyd is moody). Sometimes the ups don't last as long as we would like and it seems at times that the downs last forever. It's hard to do, but remembering the good is even more important during the downs than we realize. For some of us, however, the ups and downs spin out of control. They are not just situational highs and lows, they are emotional highs and lows so extreme we cannot control them. At all. I know many people think: 'they are YOUR emotions, how could you not control them?' but we can't at all.

The point I am trying to get to is a topic that is near and dear to me. This is a topic that requires me to admit something about my self I have only ever even mentioned (sort of) once on this blog before. I am bipolar. It's true. I have medical records dating back more than 13 years and covering various professionals that all agree. I'm stuck. There is no way around it. Well, there is LOTS of medication, but lithium almost killed my kidneys.

Why, all of a sudden, am I telling you this? Mostly, it is a way for me to teach something else science related while breaking down certain stigmas attached to this topic. Partially, it is to give myself a pep talk and to let me know that it is okay and not my fault. Weird, I know.

First and foremost, a definition:

According to One Look, bipolar means having two poles, like Earth. Throw on the word "disorder" to that (I really hate that word) and you get

▸ noun: a mental disorder characterized by episodes of mania and depression

Now what this means is I am mental and manic and depressed. Okay, not QUITE that mean, but really it just means I go from high to low in periods. Seasonally and daily in my case. Instead of a perfect seasonal sine wave going down for fall and spring and up for summer and winter, the overall trend is up and down but with little "mini" ups and downs in between. To illustrate this, I, well, made an illustration (hehe).

fig. 1 episodes

Sounds like fun, right? Well my husband says it keeps things interesting, like sleeping with a different woman everynight! *sheesh* As you can see, he is actually very supportive and through the years, I have developed a sense of humor about this.

What causes this?

I don't really want to rewrite everything I see today so you get a quote from the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI for short):

While the exact cause of bipolar disorder is not known, most scientists believe that bipolar disorder is likely caused by multiple factors that interact with each other to produce a chemical imbalance affecting certain parts of the brain. Bipolar disorder often runs in families, and studies suggest a genetic component to the illness. A stressful environment or negative life events may interact with an underlying genetic or biological vulnerability to produce the disorder. There are other possible "triggers" of bipolar episodes: the treatment of depression with an antidepressant medication may trigger a switch into mania, sleep deprivation may trigger mania, or hypothyroidism may produce depression or mood instability. It is important to note that bipolar episodes can and often do occur without any obvious trigger.

This, in a nutshell, states that we really have NO CLUE! Somewhere, though, I have faulty wiring. How to fix faulty wiring? Well, we don't have little nanobot electricians (yet) but we can load up on chemicals.

How does it affect a person's life?

Severely.
I don't mean to sound morose, but it affects everything... especially school. Some days I am super gung-ho and can't wait to learn and research and learn and talk talk talk. These are usually my manias. This is great except my papers sound like my thought process: a tornado flinging thoughts at you. Other days I can't even get myself to think about doing my homework or even getting out of bed. At times I go to school just to argue with people. Other times I am there, but my notes are more sketchbook pages.
The worst part is I know the stuff but since I don't go to a Big State U, I can't just rely on my test scores to float me. Homework = FAIL. The advantage is I am a discussion based learner so the small classes accomodate that. That is why I am still an undergrad at my age with an okay grade point average even though I am super passionate about science. I can't stay focused and I can't really learn the way I KNOW I can. This could be due to a really horrible standardized education system, but that is a topic for one of my soon-to-return Debate!s.

Back to the topic, bipolar disorder can so severely affect people, they can be considered disabled. I, however, am stubborn, and even though my case is severe I force myself to be a "normal" functioning member of society. It may lead to me having odd jobs (painting ornaments, working with butterflies, barking) and having a hard time with authority at times, but I make it work. I know what my triggers are and I have an amazing support network (the hubs and my best friend/mother). There may be many people you know who are bipolar as well and you may not notice or simply think they are nutty and silly.
A book I read when I was younger made me realize I was not alone. It's called An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness and it was the first time I saw on paper what I had been trying to describe all along. I read it when I was about 14 years old and is one of the books that has deeply impacted me over the years. I began to talk more freely about my condition and found other people who thought they were alone as well. Until you know what you have, you feel as if everyone and everything is going crazy and you can't grasp why what you are doing and feeling is wrong. When you know, you can (occasionally) step back and say, "it's okay, it's just a swing." It is a bit hard to overcome, but I am driven and know that even if it takes me 10 years to finish my degree (I hope not) I will do it because this is what I love and I am not going to let my malfunctioning neuropathways stop me!

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